Prince Philip

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.
– Prince Philip

– Where’s the egg-timer?
– It’s his day off.
The Queen and – Prince Philip, attributed

How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to get them through the test?
– Prince Philip, to a driving instructor in Scotland

Everybody was saying we must have more leisure. Now they are complaining they are
unemployed. People don’t seem to make up their minds what they want.
– Prince Philip, on the economic recession in 1981

The problem with London is the tourists. They cause the congestion. If we could just stop
tourism, we could stop the congestion.
– Prince Philip, on the London Traffic

Bugger the table plan, give me my dinner!
– Prince Philip, at a dinner party

Philip: “Who are you?”
Simon Kelner: “I’m the editor-in-chief of The Independent, Sir.”
Philip: “What are you doing here?”
Kelner: “You invited me.”
Philip: “Well, you didn’t have to come!”
– Prince Philip,at a press reception in 2002

You managed not to get eaten then?
– Prince Philip, to a British student in Papua New Guinea

You can’t have been here long, you haven’t got a pot belly.
– Prince Philip, to a Briton in Budapest

What do you gargle with – pebbles?
– Prince Philip, to Tom Jones in 1969

Do you still throw spears at each other?
– Prince Philip, to an Aborigine in Australia

If it has four legs and is not a chair, has wings and is not an aeroplane, or swims and is not a
submarine, the Cantonese will eat it.
– Prince Philip

I never see any home cooking – all I get is fancy stuff.
– Prince Philip

It looks like a tart’s bedroom.
– Prince Philip, on seeing plans for the Duke’s house at Sunninghill Park

British food is something like a small child. When it’s good it’s very, very good; when it’s bad,
it’s absolutely awful.
– Prince Philip

Well, you’ll never fly in it, you’re too fat to be an astronaut.
– Prince Philip, to a 13-year-old aspiring astronaut

We didn’t have counsellors rushing around every time somebody let off a gun… You just got
on with it!
– Prince Philip, on stress counseling in the Army

You look like you’re ready for bed!
– Prince Philip, to President of Nigeria wearing a national dress

You have mosquitos. I have the Press.
– Prince Philip, to the matron of a hospital in the Caribbean

I didn’t particularly want to go into the Army – I didn’t fancy walking much.
– Prince Philip, on why he joined the Navy

Get me a beer. I don’t care what kind it is, just get me a beer!
– Prince Philip, on being offered an exquisite wine in Rome in 2000

Oh! You are the people ruining the rivers and the environment.
– Prince Philip, to Scottish fish farmers

This could only happen in a technical college.
– Prince Philip, on getting stuck in a lift at the Heriot Watt University

Tolerance is the one essential ingredient… You can take it from me that the Queen has the
quality of tolerance in abundance.
– Prince Philip, word of advice for a successful marriage

All money nowadays seems to be produced with a natural homing instinct for the Treasury.
– Prince Philip, on the rate of British tax

Are you running away from something?
– Prince Philip, to expats in Abu Dhabi