Money cannot buy health, but I’d settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.
– Dorothy Parker
I require only three things of a man: He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.
– Dorothy Parker
The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.
– Dorothy Parker
Ducking for apples – change one letter and it’s the story of my life.
– Dorothy Parker
Women and elephants never forget.
– Dorothy Parker
Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it, and it
darts away.
– Dorothy Parker
Take care of luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves.
– Dorothy Parker
Heterosexuality is not normal, it’s just common.
– Dorothy Parker
London is satisfied, Paris is resigned, but New York is always hopeful. Always it believes that
something good is about to come off, and it must hurry to meet it.
– Dorothy Parker
Hangover: the wrath of grapes.
– Dorothy Parker
I’d like to have money. And I’d like to be a good writer. These two can come together, and I
hope they will, but if that’s too adorable, I’d rather have money.
– Dorothy Parker
Brevity is the soul of lingerie.
– Dorothy Parker
As only New Yorkers know, if you can get through the twilight, you’ll live through the night.
– Dorothy Parker
Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.
– Dorothy Parker
Honesty means nothing until you are tested under circumstances where you are sure you
could get away with dishonesty.
– Dorothy Parker
You can’t teach an old dogma new tricks.
– Dorothy Parker
That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can’t say NO in any of them.
– Dorothy Parker
I prefer to have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
– Dorothy Parker
That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including
here, it was against her better judgment.
– Dorothy Parker
I shall stay the way I am because I do not give a damn.
– Dorothy Parker
Lips that taste of tears, they say are the best for kissing.
– Dorothy Parker
The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.
– Dorothy Parker
It’s a small apartment – I’ve barely enough room to lay my hat and a few friends.
– Dorothy Parker
Where’s the man that could ease a heart like a satin gown?
– Dorothy Parker
This is not a book to be tossed aside lightly. It should be hurled with great force.
– Dorothy Parker
The Monte Carlo casino refused to admit me until I was properly dressed so I went and found
my stockings, and then came back and lost my shirt.
– Dorothy Parker
The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let
the air out of the tires.
– Dorothy Parker
Excuse me, I have to use the toilet. Actually, I have to use the telephone, but I’m too
embarrassed to say so.
– Dorothy Parker
Hollywood money isn’t money. It’s congealed snow, melts in your hand, and there you are.
– Dorothy Parker
If I had any decency, I’d be dead. Most of my friends are.
– Dorothy Parker
The two most beautiful words in the English language are “cheque enclosed.”
– Dorothy Parker
He and I had an office so tiny that an inch smaller and it would have been adultery.
– Dorothy Parker
Those who have mastered etiquette, who are entirely, impeccably right, would seem to arrive
at a point of exquisite dullness.
– Dorothy Parker
See the happy moron,
He doesn’t give a damn.
I wish I were a moron,
My God! Perhaps I am!
– Dorothy Parker
If I didn’t care for fun and such,
I’d probably amount to much.
But I shall stay the way I am,
Because I do not give a damn.
– Dorothy Parker
I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.
– Dorothy Parker
Men don’t like nobility in woman. Not any men. I suppose it is because the men like to have
the copyrights on nobility – if there is going to be anything like that in a relationship.
– Dorothy Parker
A girl’s best friend is her mutter.
– Dorothy Parker
I’m never going to be famous. I don’t do anything, not one single thing. I used to bite my
nails, but I don’t even do that any more.
– Dorothy Parker
Four be the things I’d have been better without: Love, curiosity, freckles and doubt.
– Dorothy Parker
I don’t care what is written about me so long as it isn’t true.
– Dorothy Parker
Katharine Hepburn runs the gamut of emotions from A to B.
– Dorothy Parker
Los Angeles is 72 suburbs in search of a city.
– Dorothy Parker
Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.
– Dorothy Parker
I’ve never been a millionaire but I just know I’d be darling at it.
– Dorothy Parker
I know that there are things that never have been funny, and never will be. And I know that
ridicule may be a shield, but it is not a weapon.
– Dorothy Parker
At birth the devil touched my tongue.
– Dorothy Parker
The only ism Hollywood believes in is plagiarism.
– Dorothy Parker
Summer makes me drowsy. Autumn makes me sing. Winter’s pretty lousy, but I hate Spring.
– Dorothy Parker
Constant use had not worn ragged the fabric of their friendship.
– Dorothy Parker
If you wear a short enough skirt, the party will come to you.
– Dorothy Parker
Hemingway avoids New York, for he has the most valuable asset an artist can possess: The
fear of what he knows is bad for him.
– Dorothy Parker
Her big heart did not, as is so sadly often the case, inhabit a big bosom.
– Dorothy Parker
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
– Dorothy Parker