I love mathematics! Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide our legs, and multiply!
– Mel Brooks
Tragedy is when I have a hangnail. Comedy is when you accidentally walk into an open sewer
and die.
– Mel Brooks
I’ve been accused of vulgarity. I say that’s bullshit.
– Mel Brooks
If Presidents don’t do it to their wives, they do it to the country.
– Mel Brooks
If God had intended us to fly, He would have sent us tickets.
– Mel Brooks
Look, I really don’t want to wax philosophic, but I will say that if you’re alive, you’ve got to
flap your arms and legs, you got to jump around a lot, you got to make a lot of noise,
because life is the very opposite of death. And therefore, as I see it, if you’re quiet, you’re
not living. You’ve got to be noisy, or at least your thoughts should be noisy, colorful and
lively.
– Mel Brooks
Farts are a repressed minority. The mouth gets to say all kinds of things, but the other place
is supposed to keep quite. But maybe our lower colons have something interesting to say.
Maybe we should listen to them.
– Mel Brooks
The only thing we don’t have a god for is premature ejaculation… but I hear that it’s coming
quickly.
– Mel Brooks
My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of
creative alternatives.
– Mel Brooks
When you come to Germany as a Jew you have an uneasy feeling, but I’ve always felt okay
in Berlin.
– Mel Brooks
I’m the only Jew who ever made a buck off a “Hitler!”
– Mel Brooks
My parents worshipped old-world values: God and carpeting.
– Mel Brooks
Tragedy is when I stub my toe. Comedy is when you fall into an open manhole and die.
– Mel Brooks
As long as the world is turning and spinning, we’re gonna be dizzy and we’re gonna make
mistakes.
– Mel Brooks
He who hesitates is poor.
– Mel Brooks
Usually, when a lot of men get together, it’s called war.
– Mel Brooks
Every human being has hundreds of separate people living under his skin. The talent of a
writer is his ability to give them their separate names, identities, personalities and have them
relate to other characters living with him.
– Mel Brooks
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
– Mel Brooks
A cinema villain essentially needs a moustache so he can twiddle with it gleefully as he cooks
up his next nasty plan.
– Mel Brooks
I like Chris Rock. He’s dangerous.
– Mel Brooks
If Einstein and Shaw couldn’t beat death, what chance have I got? Practically none.
– Mel Brooks
You’re young forever when you write. Alfred Hitchcock directed until the day he died. As long
as you don’t have any dementia or Alzheimer’s, if you have your All-Bran every day and clear
yourself out, I think your brains are gonna be all right.
– Mel Brooks
You’re always a little disappointing in person because you can’t be the edited essence of
yourself.
– Mel Brooks
Bad taste is simply saying the truth before it should be said.
– Mel Brooks
Look at Jewish history. Unrelieved lamenting would be intolerable. So for every ten Jews
beating their breasts, God designated one to be crazy and amuse the breast-beaters. By the
time I was five I knew I was that one.
– Mel Brooks
Hope for the best. Expect the worst. Life is a play. We’re unrehearsed.
– Mel Brooks
Life literally abounds in comedy if you just look around you.
– Mel Brooks
I’m still a horse that can run. I may not be able to win the Derby, but what do you do when
you retire? People retire and they vegetate. They go away and they dry up.
– Mel Brooks
Good taste is the enemy of comedy.
– Mel Brooks
There’s a perfectly good explanation for this, which I’ll make up later.
– Mel Brooks
Me? Not like the Germans? Why should I not like Germans? Just because they’re arrogant and
have fat necks and do anything they’re told so long as it’s cruel, and killed millions of Jews in
concentration camps and made soap out of their bodies and lamp shades out of their skins?
Is that any reason to hate their fucking guts?
– Mel Brooks
You got to be brave. If you feel something, you’ve really got to risk it.
– Mel Brooks
Do you have a dollar on you? I hate to answer questions for nothing.
– Mel Brooks
I have always been a huge admirer of my own work. I’m one of the funniest and most
entertaining writers I know.
– Mel Brooks
Everything we do in life is based on fear, especially love.
– Mel Brooks