I envy people who drink – at least they know what to blame everything on.
– Oscar Levant
What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left.
– Oscar Levant
There are two sides to every question: my side and the wrong side.
– Oscar Levant
The worst thing about having a mistress is those two dinners you have to eat.
– Oscar Levant
It’s not what you are, but what you don’t become that hurts.
– Oscar Levant
I never read bad reviews about myself because my best friends invariably tell me about them.
– Oscar Levant
I don’t drink; I don’t like it – it makes me feel good.
– Oscar Levant
The only difference between the Democrats and the Republicans is that the Democrats allow
the poor to be corrupt, too.
– Oscar Levant
So little time and so little to do.
– Oscar Levant
I’m going to memorize your name and throw my head away.
– Oscar Levant
There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.
– Oscar Levant
I have given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself.
– Oscar Levant
When I appeared before the draft board examiner during World War II, he asked me if I
thought I could kill. “I don’t know about strangers,” I replied, “but friends, certainly.”
– Oscar Levant
The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.
– Oscar Levant
Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m schizophrenic, and so am I.
– Oscar Levant
Once I make up my mind, I’m full of indecision.
– Oscar Levant
I am no more humble than my talents require.
– Oscar Levant
In some situations I was difficult, in odd moments impossible, in rare moments loathsome,
but at my best unapproachably great.
– Oscar Levant
I’m a study of a man in chaos in search of frenzy.
– Oscar Levant
Happiness isn’t something you experience, it’s something you remember.
– Oscar Levant
If you had to do it all over, would you fall in love with yourself again?
– Oscar Levant to George Gershwin
I’m controversial. My friends either dislike me or hate me.
– Oscar Levant
Strip away the phoney tinsel of Hollywood and you find the real tinsel underneath.
– Oscar Levant
I was once thrown out of a mental hospital for depressing the other patients.
– Oscar Levant
Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome.
– Oscar Levant
It’s not a pretty face, I grant you. But underneath its flabby exterior is an enormous lack of
character.
– Oscar Levant
Leonard Bernstein uses music merely as an accompaniment to his conducting.
– Oscar Levant
A pun is the lowest form of humour – when you don’t think of it first.
– Oscar Levant
My psychiatrist once said to me, “Maybe life isn’t for everyone.”
– Oscar Levant