Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can get fired by someone wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap.
– Steve Martin
All I’ve ever wanted was an honest week’s pay for an honest day’s work.
– Steve Martin
When your hobbies get in the way of your work – that’s ok; but when your hobbies get in the way of themselves… well.
– Steve Martin
Boy, those French! They have a different word for everything.
– Steve Martin
I believe that sex is the most beautiful, natural, and wholesome thing that money can buy.
– Steve Martin
Love is a promise delivered already broken.
– Steve Martin
I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.
– Steve Martin
The greatest thing you can do is surprise yourself.
– Steve Martin
Writers block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.
– Steve Martin
Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.
– Steve Martin
A celebrity is any well-known TV or movie star who looks like he spends more than two hours working on his hair.
– Steve Martin
I’ve heard lots of people lie to themselves but they never fool anyone.
– Steve Martin
You know what your problem is? It’s that you haven’t seen enough movies – all of life’s riddles are answered in the movies.
– Steve Martin
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
– Steve Martin
I believe you should place a woman on a pedestal high enough so you can look up her dress.
– Steve Martin
I’ve got to keep breathing. It’ll be my worst business mistake if I don’t.
– Steve Martin
You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither.
– Steve Martin
I saw the movie, “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon” and was surprised because I didn’t see any tigers or dragons. And then I realized why: they’re crouching and hidden.
– Steve Martin
You know, you’re really nobody in LA unless you live in a house with a really big door.
– Steve Martin
Don’t have sex. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.
– Steve Martin
First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
– Steve Martin
Some people have a way with words, and other people…oh, uh, not have way.
– Steve Martin
I used to smoke marijuana. But I’ll tell you something: I would only smoke it in the late evening. Oh, occasionally the early evening, but usually the late evening – or the mid-evening. Just the early evening, mid-evening and late evening. Occasionally, early afternoon, early mid-afternoon, or perhaps the late-mid afternoon. Oh, sometimes the early-mid-late-early morning… But never at dusk! Never at dusk, I would never do that.
– Steve Martin
I’m not into that one-night thing. I think a person should get to know someone and even be in love with them before you use them and degrade them.
– Steve Martin
Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.
– Steve Martin
I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.
– Steve Martin
I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you’re an idiot.
– Steve Martin
I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper.
– Steve Martin